Why do I live in the middle of nowhere?

As far as I could remember, I have always lived in suburbia, in the middle of nowhere with sagging white women and their mom haircuts with the running sneakers, when clearly they have never ran a day in their lives, the white picket fence, 2.5 kids, dog named Logan or Ginger, the gas guzzling SUVs, the j.crew and banana republic children, dinner promptly at 6 PM, with the fathers named Tom or Jim. As sick and twisted as it is, I don't mind suburbia. It is quiet and since I'm not one of them, they leave me alone. I don't get involved with their cookie cutter lives and they don't get involved in mine.
However, living in suburbia also means commuting for hours to the city where civilization lies. NOT that people in the city are more civilized, really, but at least in the city there's stuff happening. My job is there, my school is there, my friends are there. And where am I? In the middle of nowhere, fucking bumble fuck suburban land of nothingness.
My social life, or I should say, the lack thereof has suffered greatly. I have to politely decline invitations to outings or events. I have to make up excuses as to why I can't go but in fact I can go I just can't! I'm so dependent on public transportation that I can't go out and stay out late like I would like to. I can't get drunk like I would like to. And if I do, I'm traveling for god knows how long, waiting for a train or a bus, then riding the train or bus for hours, and then walking into the dark abyss of suburbia.
On my days off, I don't even want to leave. It's like what's the point. I'm going to go where to do what? People have stopped inviting me out. My friends have moved on with their social lives with other people, other friends. People who are more accessible, more available. Oh believe me, I'm totally available, just completely and utterly and hopelessly inaccessible. I hate where I live, but I have no choice.
My school is ruining my adult life right now. I'm almost done, but May could not come any sooner. And then what? I'll be out of school without a full-time job. I tried looking but everywhere I apply, they want someone who is able to work full-time right away. If I could find a full-time job soon, I'll be out of here two seconds flat.
And it's not even so much as where I live, but with whom I live with. The constant stress of pleasing other people, in their space. Having to live up to expectations, riding on someone else's back. Once I'm financially able and sound, I swear I will never live like this again.
And because of my constant living stress, I burden others, my friends, my co-workers, with my daily stresses. I'm sure they've all heard my stories dozens of times about how unbearable it is and how every day is like living in a house walking on egg shells. I know my mom is sick of hearing my bitching and ranting. But she'll hear me out because she knows that I have no one else to vent to. She knows I'm going crazy here, but she also knows that I cannot live with her either.
It's not that commuting is hell. It really has to do with where you are commuting from and where you are commuting to. If I'm meeting friends, no big deal. To work, ugh oh god somebody derail the train so I have a really good excuse not to go. And the fact that I have no sanctuary to go to, after all the long hours of commuting, no quiet place, no place to call my own, makes commuting that much more grueling and miserable, which in turn makes me a miserable human being. When your stomach and your chest is tight with anxiety and anger, you know that something is just not right...

sleeping on the train

I always fall asleep on the train, especially when I need to commute super early for class or work. Sometimes it's the kind of sleep where you doze but you're fully aware of what's happening around you, like the baby screaming, the crazy guy singing, the shuffling of feet, the sucking of the teeth, the "excuse mes," and the "stand clear of the closing doors please." Other times, you actually become immersed in a deeper sleep, completely shutting out the world around you and spend some quality time with your unconscious. Today I experienced the latter. I cannot begin to tell you what I dreamed about, at this point I have no recollection since I always have to wake myself up so abruptly. But today, my fiance rode the train with me and gave me a little nudge when we were getting close to our stop. That nudge immediately wipes out any memory of the dream that I was so absorbed in just a second ago. When I was younger, I was able to actually stay awake for the full duration of the ride, if I wanted to, most of the time I chose to sleep. I mean how else should I spend the time? But now that I'm older I find it extremely challenging to even keep my eyes open. Even after a night full of eight hours of sleep, I still find myself dozing off as if it's my morning coffee and it's the only way that I can allow myself to function properly for the day ahead.
It probably has to be the most uncomfortable sleeping experience ever. Despite it's deliciousness. My neck was seriously cramped when I awoke and I was hoping that I didn't screw myself for the rest of the day with neck pain resulting from sleeping in an awkward position.

The Joys of Metro-North/Long Island Railroad

I have recently discovered the joys of the Metro-North and the Long Island railroad.  Earlier this year, my mother moved a couple of blocks away from the Long Island Railroad station, literally a 3-minute walk to the station. I can get into the city in like 28 minutes, such a change from having to commute 1.5 hours one way with the bus and the train. Only issue is, it obviously costs a lot more than just the regular bus and train. about 4x more to be exact, on peak.

Oh but it's so worth it so I stopped caring. If I could pay a little extra for a piece of mind, at least when I can afford to, I think it is totally worth it. To go home, where I currently reside with my boyfriend, I can take the Metro-North, which is roughly 35 minutes from Grand Central. I have to say I don't love Grand Central as I do Penn-Station. I don't know...it just seems less personal? Also, the signs are just not as straight forward as the Penn-Station signs. It is completely confusing and overwhelming.

So aside from that, I am watching Julie & Julia, the movie about Julia Child and the woman who started a blog about cooking the recipes of Julia Child. It inspired me to finally get on it with this blog. I started it like about a couple of months ago, and I got so lazy about it, especially with school and work. It is actually a real blog, yes I know it was based on a true story but I just saw this movie today, so blah blah whatever. Here it is... I love Amy Adams. She's absolutely adorable and she is amazing!

I doubt that this blog will have any profound effect on humanity or change the world but I really need an outlet from every day mundane life.

I used to have journals...but with age, I've lost interest in keeping one. I have this gigantic, gross bump on my right middle finger because I press my writing tools so hard against my finger, it has become deformed. So I don't enjoy writing by hand as much as I used to.

Plus, my boyfriend (fiance) thinks I need a hobby. HAH! Well here it is...my hobby. This is my life...on a blog...aside from school and work. My life is defined by what I write here. And he also wants me to keep my profanity to a bare minimum (I curse like the offspring of a trucker and a sailor). But I really do enjoy swearing from time to time, you know, strictly to relieve stress, and to relieve the pressures of every day life. ESPECIALLY, after commuting for long periods of time, in a moving box, with the lowest of the low of New York City population.

I am supposed to do my final project that is due on Monday right now. I've barely started and I cannot for the life of me figure out a way to focus and to figure out a way to develop a marketing plan for an exhibition in the museum that my group and I invented for my Business of Museum Management class. Our professor, did NOT teach us how to create a marketing plan. Yes, I took an intro to Advertising Marketing Communications, but that was eons ago and we didn't focus on marketing as much as we did with advertising, seeing that the class name starts with the word advertising. And yes, I know that I can google it, but google does not solve everything...